The Conversation Most Men Never Admit Having

There are questions a lot of men eventually start asking themselves, but we don't tend to talk about them very much.

When did I stop feeling like myself? Why don't I have the drive I used to? When did I get this tired? Does she still look at me the way she used to? Is this really the man I'm becoming?

Those questions don't necessarily come from men whose lives are falling apart. In my experience, they often come from good men with pretty good lives.

I've spent nearly thirty years working one-on-one with people. During that time, I've had tens of thousands of conversations with men about their bodies, relationships, health, work, families, sexuality, stress and the things happening in their lives.

Eventually I began recognizing a pattern.

Most of these men hadn't made some catastrophic mistake. They'd simply spent years handling careers, marriages, children, mortgages and responsibilities while gradually becoming less intentional about themselves.

I eventually gave that pattern a name.

Drift.

Drift is subtle precisely because life can remain pretty good while it's happening.

You train a little less. You tolerate being more tired. You stop pursuing your partner with the same intention. A few habits you once wouldn't have accepted become normal. You tell yourself you'll deal with things when work settles down or the kids get older or life gets less complicated.

Meanwhile, another year goes by.

That's why I don't think the opposite of Drift is achievement.

It's intention.

It's deciding that the man you're becoming deserves the same attention you've given everything else you've built.

The Five Edges

I've come to think about a man's life through five interconnected Edges.

Physical — Your strength, energy, resilience and vitality. Your body is the vehicle through which you experience everything else.

Mental — Your discipline, integrity, courage and self-trust. Whether your word still means something when the person you gave it to was yourself.

Relational — How you love, communicate and show up for the people closest to you. Whether they consistently experience the man you believe yourself to be.

Sexual — Your confidence, desire, connection and ability to be fully present in intimacy. Not simply sexual performance, but sexual vitality.

Legacy — What all of this is adding up to. The example you're setting, the impact you're having and whether the man you're becoming is someone your future self will be proud to have been.

These aren't five separate lives. They constantly influence one another.

And when a man begins deliberately forging all five, something else starts to emerge.

Presence.

I'm not talking about being louder, more dominant or more impressive.

The men I've known with genuine presence rarely needed to prove much of anything. There was a steadiness to them. Their words carried weight because their lives backed them up. People trusted them. Their families experienced them. Other men respected them.

I've become convinced that kind of presence isn't something you're born with.

It's forged.

And that's ultimately why I built The Bulletproof Gentleman.

Your Next Step

You don't need another assessment telling you what's wrong with you.

I don't think you're broken.

But if some of those 16 questions showed you there's a gap between the man you're currently being and the man you know you're capable of becoming, don't ignore it.

The Bulletproof Gentleman is where we're going to work on closing that gap together—through the Five Edges, live coaching and a Brotherhood of men who have decided they aren't interested in drifting through the next chapter of their lives.

Gentlemen. Forge Forward.